4 Things necessary for a healthy relationship

September 11, 2022

Just being in a relationship is not enough to keep it healthy. I used to think that love for each other was all you needed and the rest would work itself out. Well, I am here to tell you, I was wrong. In realizing this, I decided to dive deeper into what it takes to have and maintain a healthy and happy relationship. There are thousands upon thousands of "relationship gurus" out there, each claiming to know the secret to being in a healthy relationship. So, sorting through the bullshit, applying my own knowledge of what has and hasn't worked, and then putting it all together... here is what I have come to realize.

The obvious things see unnecessary to mention because they should be obvious to everyone, however the are just as critical. Trust, respect, support, honesty, accountability, cooperation and safety all must be provided by both partners. These are not optional components of a healthy relationship because without one, the relationship is no in integrity.

- Be present!!! Don’t worry about what is going to happen, what has happened in the past, or try to control the situation. Worrying about the past and trying to think about the future, only removes your from experiencing what is happening right now. Live in the moment, soak every bit of it in, see the beauty in what is happening, take in the feeling and be open to accepting. Each moment is unique and once it is gone, it will never happen the same way again. Experience it with your partner, fully. Sure, it is easy to worry about the what ifs, but they will happen whether you worry about them or not. You should appreciate each and every moment, in the moment, let them land, and stop worrying. If you are present with your partner, enjoying life, showing up, and loving each other fully, then you will have a lifetime of moments with them, each unique and each another opportunity to be present.

- Communication is obviously extremely important, whether it is about communicating your fears, your wants, desires, or just being able to be open with your partner. In this communication, you must be willing to hold space for the other person and be open to their point of view. It is critical to willing to be open, be able to be challenged and be wrong. Remember that you are communicating with your beloved, you should always be able to choose love over choosing to be right or proving a point.

- Take space now and then… You cannot be each other’s everything. Having a life outside of the relationship is very important. It nourishes the soul and keeps a person connected to themselves as their social circle is a part of who they are. Having a life outside of the relationship dynamic is very healthy and benefits, not only the individual, but the relationship too. This also includes taking a little space from each other now and then. That doesn’t mean that you will go for a long time without your partner, but some time apart now and then really helps. This time to get away, maintain other friendships, nurture other connections and feel connected to more than just the relationship, will have many benefits. Time apart allows you to miss your partner and for your partner to miss you, it will enhance the feminine and masculine polarity within the relationship, and build a greater appreciation for your partner. In all of this, you have complete trust in your partner, knowing that they will always honor you and the relationship, and that what they are doing is for their benefit and that of the relationship as well. Too much time together can lead to feeling like there is something missing in your life and cause you to pull back from the relationship to find it, or it could cause you to become more dependent on your partner to provide what you should be providing for yourself.

- Maintain a strong connection to your partner on all levels. Enjoy long fulfilling conversations, have fun with each other, be playful at times, take time to see each other fully, be present, be compassionate, be understanding, be connected. Also, be sexually connected, be intimate with each other. An incredible sexual chemistry is just as important to maintaining a successful relationship as other aspects. Explore your lover’s body and appreciate all that makes her beautiful, get creative in your sexual relationship with what you do, how you explore together, and learn each other’s body. Sex should never be dull or something you “have to do”. It should be exciting, fulfilling, fun, beautiful and safe. Remember the spark that you had when the relationships started, keep that alive, feed it and let it grow until it becomes an incredible fire that you feel each time you and your partner are intimate. It is not about the quantity; it is about the quality and the intention.

I am sure that someone can take this even deeper, but the things I listed above are paramount to maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. Understanding your partner, their needs and desires, as well as supporting them will ensure that you and your partner can have and maintain a healthy relationship. Knowing that you can trust each other in every sense and that you both are always looking after yourselves and the health of your relationship, is also critical.

Hope this was somewhat enlightening or at least informative. Just writing it reminds of the way that I should show up in relationship and how important this all is in building and maintaining a mutually fulfilling relationship. It also reminds me of all the things that I failed to do in the past. Obviously, if I would have known all of this before, I would not have to be learning it now. Instead of as a failure of my past, I choose to look at it as an amazing opportunity for growth and development, as well as preparation to show up differently in the future.