Holotropic Breathwork with Shadow Work

September 12, 2022

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All the work that I have been doing has been incredibly enlightening and I truly feel like a completely different person than I was. I find myself actively processing thoughts, fears, emotions and triggers. This has been something that I have been really focusing on. Triggers will happen and they produce a feeling, that is an undeniable fact and part of our subconscious. My old way of handling that was going straight to reaction, however, now I am aware and mindful of myself. Now I process the feelings and then move to response, that response is to acknowledge the feeling, investigate where it came from and just let it go or address it within myself. It is such a nice feeling to have control over my emotional responses. I know that it is not possible to control my subconscious, but I can control how it affects me and therefore, how it affects others. Sitting with a feeling, allowing it to be there, accepting it, is actually quite liberating. All of this allows me to show up differently than I have for so many years.

Understanding where the subconscious thoughts originate, has also been an incredible revelation. Never in my life would I have connected my behavior to abandonment issues from childhood, I thought my childhood was pretty good. The breakthrough that I had at hypnotherapy, when I realized that I didn't feel safe and didn't fit in, was like finding the last piece to a puzzle that you had been looking for. Although, I didn't think I had an incomplete puzzle in the first place. This realization made so much sense and I am so grateful to have been able to find the help that I needed. Don't get me wrong, I am far from done with my growth... in fact, I will never stop learning and growing, but I do see an eventual end to the healing. That excites me.

The shadow work that I have been doing has also been extremely helpful. Today I had a shadow work session that incorporated breathwork. The holotropic breathwork brought me closer to some feelings that I was having and allowed me to reach deeper into myself than before. The feeling that I had during this breath work was similar to that which I had when my partner and I did a Rape´ ceremony. It was almost an out of body experience. In my self-exploration, I was focused on learning about that which was in my shadow. In a word, it was CRAZY! Right before the session I had just told a friend about the “Legend of two wolves”, so that was also on my mind when the session began. During the self-exploration I saw the evil wolf and how I just continued to feed him, how he was created from my core wounds and kept alive by my behaviors. Every time I would recognize a different quality that made up that evil wolf, I would shine light on it, accept the fact that he was made up of that, and choose not to continue feeding him. It was as if I could see the origin, growth and presence of what was in, what I am calling, my shadow wolf. I could see how he would show up and his influence on me… his affect would dictate the way that I would show up for others. Due to the fact that I previously wouldn’t acknowledge this side of me, it just became stronger as I unknowingly fed it.

Seeing it this way added incredible clarity to how I need to address this shadow wolf. He will always be a part of me, but it is my choice to allow him to be a controlling part or just a part that I acknowledge and accept. I don’t judge myself for having this shadow, it is part of me. I am aware of it now and I can accept myself fully. My shadow wolf will always be there, I see him clearly. I used to ignore him, repress him, push him down, because I was ashamed to have those feelings. Now I can recognize him, accept him, and address the feelings that he brings up in the healthiest way possible.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have it all figured out. There are going to be times that I stumble but I won’t fall. It can be scary and intimidating at times, but I have confidence that I won’t fall into familiar behavioral patterns that didn’t serve me. I have awareness of things now that I knew nothing about before. My drive to better myself is stronger than ever and I have a very clear vision of what I want for my future and how I want to show up.