Support your partner

Last night as I laid awake, I had a little problem. Maybe because I was downtown, rode by places where great memories were made, or the familiar and warm feeling I had... I'm not sure the reason, but my heart was hurting quite a bit.

I actually laid in bed thinking about the one thing that I should have done better... Don't get me wrong, the were more than one, but one that stands out above all else.

Support

This term is quite encompassing, so let me break out down a bit in terms of relationship support and the places I came up short. If any of these sound familiar, fix them now!

To me, support means that you are not only there for your partner when needed, but you support them to be there for themselves and give them the space to do so. Support can mean to encourage them to go out with their friends to nurture those bonds, as these bonds are an integral part of who they are. Support can also mean to be accepting of and respect their need for time alone. Don't make it mean something that it doesn't. No, your partner isn't sick of you, they wouldn't rather spend time without you, they don't enjoy time without you more than time with you. Understand that even the most incredible relationship takes work, energy, and time. If they need time alone, they are just recharging, rejuvenating, and getting ready so they can show up in the relationship in the best way possible.

Support also means holding each other accountable. Call them on their bullshit, encourage them to contact family or friends if they've lost track of the amount time since they've spoken. As well as making sure they are going what they need to do to feed their soul.

Support is part of holding space for someone. Support them by hearing what they say, truly listening, offering words of understanding their feelings, encouraging words about them and their character. It may also mean shut up and just be there for them to vent, not take it personally and do not offer advice unless it is asked for. Even then, maybe put that off until your partner feels fully heard, and emotionally supported and feels that you are fully present. In all of that, just be empathetic.

Support your partners dreams and visions in the best way possible. If you partner dreams of someday traveling to "insert destination here", then support that in whatever way you can. Whether it is with or without you (hopefully together), that is a dream they have, not supporting that is a way of crushing their dream or worse, preventing them from living it out. You want you partner to feel whole and complete and as if they are not sacrificing life to be with you. So support their dreams and visions, chances are they were there long before you and chances are even better that they would want you to be there with them.

Support your partners growth. Mental, spiritual, emotional and even physical growth (if your into that gym stuff) is a critical life component, especially for those who strive to be more conscious, aware and enlightened. It was always a desire for my partner and I to experience those things together. Going to meditations, yoga, sound bath, rapé ceremony, connecting with groups of friends, tarot readings, even couples spiritual guidance can all be amazing ways to support your patner's growth and wellbeing, while receiving that support as well. This is also a wonderful bonding experience.

Another great way to support your partner is to always let them know that they are fully seen and heard. Being present with them without distraction, agenda, or feeling like you need to chime in, is a great way to show them this. If your partner doesn't feel seen or heard, then they will stop thinking of you as someone that will be there for them if needed. Communication will suffer, and that is one of the most critical components of a healthy and strong relationship.

Supporting each other is the key to a long and healthy and loving relationship, full of deep and meaningful connections, flourishing and living in abundance together.

Lastly, never forget to show appreciation and gratitude for your partner and for the fact that they feel that you will be there to support them. They should always know that their trust in you to show up in the best way possible, is appreciated and that you are grateful for the opportunity to be there for them.

This was not the way that I would show up consistently in the past. My people pleaser / fixer mentality would kick in and I would be quick with advice or some kind of help. All the while, I just needed to support my partner in whatever way she needed. We learn that if we love someone, then we want to help them through whatever they are going through and provide whatever they need, but in all reality what they need is support so that they know they have someone to hold space for them, be there for them and support them in dealing with whatever it is on their own. If they ask for your input or assistance, then it is okay to oblige. However, a healthy relationship also means that each partner has the tools and knowledge to deal with their own stuff, maybe they just need a sympathetic ear, a hug, or for someone to be empathetic and encouraging.

This was an amazing lesson that I learned and when the time comes, it is something I am ready to provide.