You know what I should do...

September 9, 2022

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This is a question that I ask myself every morning. I wake up, have a cup of coffee, listen to some very special music and contemplate what I should do today to improve on myself and continue on my journey. After about 20 minutes of thinking about it, sipping coffee and enjoying my music, I come up with my intention for the day.

This morning when I woke up, I struggled a bit to find the right intention for the day. This could be because I didn't sleep well last night because I was crowded by the dog and getting used to sleeping in a new room and bed. Last night, I felt an energy that I hadn’t felt in quite a while. Not only was I feeling positive, confident, self-assured and in-touch with myself, but I was feeling a beautiful external energy. This energy warmed me and made me feel as if I was overflowing with everything positive. I am not sure I really know how to explain it, but I will try. See, I felt full all by myself for the first time in a long time. My confidence was high, I was fully present to the moment even though nothing exciting was going on, I was mindful of everything around me, and I was feeling abundant. Basically, I was a full cup. When this beautiful energy entered my space, I felt the cup overflow with love, appreciation, kindness, joy, and happiness. This was such an incredible feeling to experience after so many difficult days. Looking inward, seeing all the places that you have come up short, and feeling like you have an insurmountable amount of work to do, can really be draining if you allow it to be. This was just the pick-me-up that I needed.

As I felt that beautiful energy, along with my own energy, I decided it would be a good time to go up to the roof and meditate under the incredible night sky. My way of accepting what has been given to me, being open to receiving. It would also give me an opportunity to really experience the feeling and not have anything distract me. This was one of the most incredible feelings that I have been able to experience.

So, back to this morning. I woke up early because I wanted to jump right back into the feeling that I had the night before. Realizing that this morning didn’t feel exactly the same, I looked within to try and figure out why. The night before, I was not only feeling complete and in abundance, but I also had some external energy flowing to me. This morning, I only had what I hold within. It was then that I realized that the external energy is not what made me feel complete, it only added to the feeling. I felt amazing before receiving that beautiful energy. It hit me…. Holy crap!!! I am really making progress. I am feeling complete without anything or anyone else providing for me. I provide for myself and I can be amazing. The external energy just adds to the amazing feeling, but it is not the source… I AM!

My melancholy feeling immediately left me and I knew the answer to my question. You know what I should do… I am going to live every day with the beautiful feeling that I had last night. The feeling that was there before the external energy was present. Feel amazing because I am amazing and I have the tools, knowledge and ability to handle whatever comes my way. Sure, life isn’t exactly the way I want it to be right now, I am still extremely heartbroken and hurting, but I am making amazing progress on my journey and feeling more and more complete every day. I am not the same person I was a month ago, a year ago, 20 years ago… I am a much better version, a version that I can be proud.

The other night a good friend, beautiful person and spiritual guide told me something that really meant a lot to me. He said that I am showing up, not just saying that I will… I am going through an incredibly difficult time and staying focused on myself, making amazing progress, and that I should be proud of everything I have done and continue to do. Last night, his words translated into a feeling. I felt what his words expressed.

I also have now changed my morning statement. I am no longer a person who speaks in terms of what they should do, or what they will do. Now, I am a man of action, remembering Carl Jung’s statement, “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”

My new morning statement is, “Today I am….”

Today, I am living in abundance.

Today, I am fully present and mindful of all that is around me.

Today, I am full of love and joy and look to share that with the world.

Today, I am loved and I am love.

Today, I am complete.